Not Strong Enough

Life gets..well, hard sometimes.  Whether it's parenting, financial, or marriage/relationship struggles, or something in between, its hard to keep smiling...pretending that everything is ok.

Lately I haven't been doing so well in my response to hard times. I get overwhelmed, frustrated.. silly me, forgetting about the learning I still need to do.

Last night as I was struggling with something again, I remembered a message from my dear friend Krista the day before.  She's in Nicaragua right now, and she blesses my socks off with encouraging messages and scripture... I remembered seeing she had sent one, but had gotten sidetracked and didn't get it read. What she wrote spoke directly to my heart and what I was going through.

As I was writing it in the back of my Bible I remembered my Smash book that I have been filling up with quotes, verses, other inspiring things and started reading through them, tears on my face. I thought I'd share some of them with y'all... and maybe it will bless someone else who is struggling.

"The Lord will fight for you: you need only be still." Exodus 14:14

"We don't grow when things are easy; we grow when we face challenges." -Joyce Meyers

"Don't worry about anything, instead pray about everything!" Philippians 4:6

No matter how you feel..
Get up
Dress up
Show up
NEVER give up!

"Come to me all who are weary and I will give you REST." Matthew 11:28

God doesn't give you the people you want, but rather the people you need. To help you, to hurt you, to leave you, to love you and to make you the person you were meant to be.

The first to apologize is the bravest.
The first to forgive is the strongest.
The first to forget is the happiest.

"Every day may not be GOOD, but there is something good in every day."

FORGIVENESS doesn't excuse their behavior. Forgiveness prevents their behavior from d.e.s.t.r.o.y.i.n.g your heart.  

...while I could keep going,  I think I'll end with this one... and I pray that through our struggles we will turn to the One who will fight for us when we're not strong enough,the One who knows why our hearts are broken, and makes sense of our crying. 

Romans 8:26 says, "meanwhile,  the moment we get tired in the waiting,  God's Spirit is right alongside us helping us along. If we don't know how or what to pray, it doesn't matter. He does our praying in and for us, making prayer out of our wordless sighs, our aching groans. He knows us far better than we know ourselves, and keeps us present before God. Thats why we can be so sure that every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good."

The storms of life can be rough but just remember, our Lifeguard ~ He walks ON water. ♡

Thankful and content..and laughing!

I am so blessed... I've been thinking lately of all I have to be thankful for.. healthy, growing kiddos.. each unique in their own way, each with a great sense of humor, a heart of giving, and love for others.. and the fact that we laugh together.. a LOT! It wasn't always like that though..

When my youngest was born, my little man was 15 months and my oldest was 3½, and with Ken gone a lot trucking, I honestly didn't know how I'd survive.  Somehow, though, I did...that first year or so with 3 [3 yrs and younger] was a blur... i lived in the moment.. changing, bathing, wiping [why is there always something sticky?] training.. and there wasn't a whole lot of laughing.  When you're a mom to a newborn, exhaustion is just the norm.  Add in a few more little ones, and there are days when the crying is coming mostly from you, instead of the children.  Add in a trucker hubby who isn't around much, and well, you get the picture. 

My house went from disorganized to dirty and disorganized and messy, which in turn made me ... grumpy.  The picture I painted isn't very pretty..I know.  I've lived it for a few years.  I would visit others houses.. where everything was clean.  and organized and in order.  And then I'd come home to a messy kitchen, piles of papers on my table, toys and clothes everywhere, and be completely discouraged as to where to even start.  Oh, I'd read blogs where they made it sound and look easy to "get your house organized in 14 easy weeks". Ha!  For a person like me [creative, lacking any kind of OCD gene, putting my kiddos first, procrastinating til something HAS to be done] it was too overwhelming.  So.. instead of taking 'baby steps', I'd keep..surviving... wishing it'd be different.. still exhausted and lonely.  You know that saying.. "if you do what you've always done, you'll get what you've always gotten" [or something like that..] well.. it really is true.  haha.

Where was i going with all this?  Oh yeah.. being content.  Not in a lazy way, but being content with the stage I'm in.  It's changing actually...almost done with diapers...no more long, sleepless nights. It's giving me more time and energy to slowly but surely change the way my house looks and feels.. I want it to be a haven for my family.. somewhere where we feel safe, where we feel at home.. somewhere that we like to be and spend time together... and part of that for me is organizing and cleaning and straightening.  

My circumstances haven't changed... my hubby is still trucking.. which leaves me responsible for.. well... everything. (Kudos to all my single mom friends...i still don't know how you do it!!)  Before you think I'm complaining, please know that I'm not.  I'm so thankful for a hard-working, loyal husband who has a job!  Was this the life i pictured?.. nope.  Would I change it if i could?... maybe.  Is trucking hard on a marriage?...  if you let it be.  I'm so thankful that we've both grown up a bit, but most importantly... I'm glad we've learned to laugh together again. 

Laughter really is contagious... and good for the soul [and marriage]. ;)  

My house... it's a work in progress. ahem.  I'm trying to tackle one project at a time. (This is a big deal for me)  At the moment... I'm almost done with my girls' room.  We bought them bunk-beds and I decided a makeover was in order.  I'm so excited, and patiently waiting to do more rooms until theirs is complete. [final touches still need completed...curtains/pillows/hang up "new" things on walls] Kiana is loving her 'new' room, and tonight she brought me $7 and said "here, this is for you for doing my room. it's all the money from my wallet."  I told her it was my pleasure, and that I'm so glad she likes it... and she doesn't have to pay me. Silly girl.  [this same girl gave the lady at the Wendy's drive thru window some candy she had earned from Bible Memory one night...talk about a giving heart!] 

Is my house organized?  getting there.. little by little...  Will it ever be magazine worthy?... HA! nope!! My kiddos are still more important than my house... which means if you stop by unexpected...(ok, even expected).. I can't promise you won't see a mess.. in fact, there will be several. ;)

My encouragement to you is this... learn to be content. Maybe it's coming to grips with the person you really are... (which in my case, is someone who will never have a Pin-worthy, perfectly-in-order house, a perfect body or perfect kiddos..ok, no one has all that anyways. lol ;)) Don't try to change who you are just to become like someone else who seems to have it all together (i bet they have something in their life they aren't perfect at either). Embrace the stage of life you're in... don't look back and long for days gone by, and don't dream of days when you're kiddos are off.. those days will come soon enough anyways.  Instead, make today awesome.. hug them more, play with them, do chores together, teach them to love who they are...and soak it all in.  Time really does fly.. like it or not. 

Most importantly... laugh. :)

Oh! How He loves us!!

God really, truly is faithful.  I know this isn't news to anyone, but He has been showing up in so many ways lately, that it brings me to my knees, weeping, in awe of His love.  He deserves all the glory and honor...

It humbles me to even say that in the past 6 months to a year, I've questioned God about a lot of things that have happened.  Sometimes it was subconsciously, other times it was audible.  Not that I thought that I didn't deserve it, I just didn't understand why.   Hadn't I had enough to deal with already?  Was I ever going to have a break from all of this? A break-through of some kind?  There was loss of friendships, financial burdens, marriage troubles, parenting struggles, illness... the list didn't seem to end.  But even while I struggled, God was there.  Giving me strength to keep going even when it would've been so easy to give up.  Guiding me through the trials, reminding me of His love, nudging my heart, working on me, shaping me into who I am today.  There were lessons I've had to learn, some the hard way, some even harder.  Stubborn me.

Thankfully, it doesn't end there!  I know God's not finished with me yet... there will be more things to learn, and others to re-learn... because I'm stubborn like that sometimes.  Maybe I've learned to stop looking at my problems, and instead look at my God.  Instead of focusing on the trials in my life, I've learned to look around and see who I can bless instead.   And through all of that, I've been blessed.  In more ways than I could have dreamed.  Sometimes He just whispers that He loves me... and other times He shows off. 

~Not only did i have friends that continued to be amazing, but I've been blessed with new friends, and I've even had a friendship restored! 
~One day recently I had a free mixer show up on my porch.  My lucky day? I think not. 
~Phone calls, facebook messages and texts from friends, saying things that I needed to hear, right when i needed to hear it.. some encouraging, some convicting.   Coincidence? Nope.
~An insurance policy that just happened to drop over $400 a month...  Now that's called God timing..
~Flowers from a friend.. because she just happened to be thinking about me, and hoped i was having a great day...  yeah, those came on a day i needed it. 
~A YouTube video with a shout-out from my hubby, letting me know that he's sorry in his own sweet way...
~Sweet words from my 5 year old... thanking Jesus that her Mommy is so special and that she makes every day the best day ever... (even though we both know i screw up daily)
~That feeling when my almost-3 year old comes up behind me and throws his chubby little arms around my neck, and doesn't let go for awhile...
~Or when my little 1½ year old climbs up on my shoulder and snuggles with me...

Every time, whether it was something huge (like a free mixer), or something "little" like a dandelion picked by one of my precious kiddos... It's like i can feel God's arms around me, whispering in my ear that He loves me.. and that I'm precious to Him.  Even more precious that my own children are to me..  I can't fathom that.  But I can praise Him... In the good times and the bad.  He deserves my all, every day.

 And to my friends that are reading this, and have been blessing me by being used of God.. thank you! From the bottom of my heart!

Peanut Butter Lover's Month

Wow... So if i counted correctly it's been about 5½ months since i last posted. Ever have a "hey-this-will-be-a-great-way-to-keep-track-of-things-happening-in-our-lives" moment? Like starting a blog... lol. 

It's November... the month of Thankfulness.  It's also Peanut Butter Lover's Month. Or at least that's what we learned during storytime at the library last week.  But we're focusing on being thankful this month.  It would be easy to jump straight to Christmas... after all, people are putting up Christmas decorations and lights already... and the toy commercials... yeah, don't even get me started on those!!  Thanksgiving is important to me.  Not just because society around us wants to skip it and jump from Halloween to Christmas, but because instilling gratitude in my kids' hearts is so important.. especially in the world we live in.  Respect and manners in general have fallen by the way side... but i for one am not letting that happen in our house!!

So, the kids were so excited when i drew leaves and cut them out for our Thankful Tree.  Every day they're adding things that they're thankful for.. So far... Daddy, Nana, Mommy, Jesus, Grandma, birthday parties, cousins, and a warm house.   It will be interesting once the most obvious ones are taken what they will come up with.  It's also fun to watch our 'tree' filling up with leaves... as the ones outside are emptying of them.  

Today I'm thankful for laundry.  The seemingly endless chore with hundreds of pieces, means i have a family to care for... and money to buy clothes for them.  What are you thankful for today?

Walking on Water: What's Your Message? A Giveaway!

Walking on Water: What's Your Message? A Giveaway!

Life Surrounded by K's... [my family that is]

Today has been one of those days.. and it's not even lunchtime yet! Karson waking up in a bad mood, and is continuing the grouchies no matter how much I've tried to put him in a good mood [I'm pretty sure it's his 2 year molars], Kiana annoying him just enough that he pinches her, which results in her crying.. for like 5 minutes. [not sure what happened to my tough girl] Karson barely apologetic, but giving a hug and saying 'sorry' none-the-less..mostly to escape a time-out i think.. and Kiana's response ~ EVERY time!! ~ "I forgive you!" Doesn't matter if she's still crying because the wound still hurts, or her feelings still hurt because of what he did, she responds that way to anyone who says "I'm sorry" to her. Wow. I've learned some lessons from my kiddos.. 

When I think I'm teaching them, they show me something that I need to work on in my own life. Disappointments, frustrations, hurts, betrayal.  All feelings I've had.. Whether with my husband or others.  How many times did i say "I forgive you"? Eventually, yes. But right away?  When i watch her say it, I rarely, if ever have thought that she's just saying it, just going through the motions.  Her demeanor changes, she truly forgives. How many times would my hurt feelings NOT have turned into bitterness and anger if i could've said those 3 words right away. Or told someone that i was sorry immediately, instead of letting their hurt feelings turn into anger.

Well, this post took a whole new turn. : )  I love it when God speaks to me through my kids.. and even just writing about my day!

My s-i-l took this pic..
it won 1st place in her school's art show!!

My day's tone has since changed... the "house" they were playing in [and hurting each other in] turned back into a table, they played with Kylie and had her giggling for a long time. Karson came to 'tell me secrets', and they actually played together nicely for awhile! : ) *sigh*

Someday i know that i won't remember days like these [thank God], but those will be the days when i will miss the innocence i see in their faces, the "i forgive yous" that maybe won't be as quick to be said.

snacktime with friends..

Kiana just turned 4 a few weeks ago.. and it seems she's grown up even more. She's such a huge help to me, and she loves doing it... for now. : )  She is turning into quite the responsible little 4-yr-old! I love hearing her talking to her 'Daddio' on the phone, and sounding so grown up. I love watching her conquer writing another letter that she's struggled with getting 'just right'. She's my little ballerina, and I had the privilege of watching her perform her dance last week, and looking forward to her recital this weekend. She loves making 'lists' of all the things that she can help me with... and she does! There have been times when she'll come to the kitchen where I'm washing the dishes and say, "Mommy, how about i do that so you don't have to!" Such a sweetheart!

[picture day at dance... this was her idea of posing ;)]

Kiana and her friend Piper at dance..

love.her.

Karson is officially 22 months as of yesterday.  Where has the last 2 years gone!? I love the stage he's in right now.  Figuring things out for himself, learning all sorts of new words... His vocabulary expands every day.  My favorite thing to hear him say is okay. He says "tay". Not sure why it's my favorite... reminds me of the Little Rascals i guess. :) I especially love hearing him say it when I'm explaining something to him, because i know he gets it.. remember it? not always. ;) We're working through the rough-with-Sissy phase right now... hitting, punching, shoving, wrestling... Trying to teach him to be a gentleman, but still letting him be a boy has me stumped at times! He has a very sweet heart though, and I'm so glad for that! He's always looking out for his baby sister, even if he's rough with his older one. I can see them [KJ and Kylie] in a few years... best pals while Kiki is at school. : ) The other day he was sad about a Christmas story that pictured Baby Jesus in a barn surrounded by baby animals... Karson thought that his Mommy should come back and he didn't want the baby in a barn. It was a little sad watching his little heart break at that thought. He's my snuggler, and I'm enjoying it while he still does too. ; )

-painting-

He loves all things Semi and Tractor ;)

My Sweetheart

Kylie is 6 months.. The time has flown since her birth. It's hard to remember what life was like with just 2! At first i didn't know when life would ever feel 'normal' again, but it has settled into a routine and I'm loving it! She sits by herself, is eating some baby food now, rolls from tummy to back, talks and giggles a lot, still sleeps all night, and is growing like a weed!  I've just noticed how bored she gets if she doesn't always have something in front of her to do or see... and how aggressive she's become watching her older siblings.

Playing with Cooper..

Sister Love.

Checking each other out..

Happy with food :)

 I love all the differences in my kids' personalities and character traits... I'm learning the importance of loving them individually, the way they need it most. Not treating them the same, or expecting them to respond to the same type of discipline the same... bummer right? ; )

[Mother's Day 2011]

Thank you God for the privilege of being these precious kids' Mommy! Thank you for the lessons you teach me everyday as i attempt to be the best i can be. Help me in 'this time in between' to serve you with my whole heart, and in doing so, set an example for these young souls to follow. Not that I'm perfect... it's only through your grace that i have any good in me at all. Amen. 

p.s. this was written a few days ago... just finally getting the chance to finish it up..